Flowers and Body Dysmorphic Order

flowers

He brought me flowers on Valentine’s Day at work!

The hidden truth behind this photo is that I’ve been feeling strong again this week. In control. I even had the thought “Maybe I don’t need surgery after all. I got this, things aren’t that bad.”

Then I see the photo. Oh. Things ARE that bad….

I’ve heard of people who struggle with seeing themselves as obese when they’re not. I have the opposite problem. I think I’m skinnier than I am. I’m constantly bumping into doorways and counters and chairs as I walk by, and being *surprised*. Why yes I am that big.  I’ve done a good job of avoiding mirrors and photos the past decade.

Today I went shopping for “shapewear”.  Shapewear should really be named “OMG-There’s-no-way-in-heck-All-those-rolls-of-fat-will-fit!!” But with enough breathing and pulling and pushing and breathing- they do.

I tried bottoms and a top. I made the mistake of trying to get the top over my head, and found my upper arm fat almost strangling me with the sleeve straps. MUCH easier to step into and pull, squirm, push, pull it up.  I took clothed photos that I’m not going to share here, but suffice to say I saw a difference. I also felt a difference. No slouching, and no sitting!

I did however, buy the top as I could breathe in it but it did a good job of smoothing the under boob rolls.

I guess I’d been embolden to try these by the fact that I’m now wearing size 24 jeans instead of 26. So yay me.

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