Food doesn’t help

I started attending Overeaters Anonymous a month ago. I figure the surgery will help with the body part of my weight issues. My mind and emotions though are another matter. OA helps with that. It helps me to realize that I am a compulsive eater, and that underlying these compulsions are feelings I haven’t faced. 

This past week have been hard physically and emotionally at work.  By Friday I brought home an “old usual” meal – pizza and beer. At home I fixed it, and before putting it in the oven, I asked myself if I was hungry. I wasn’t. But I cooked it anyway. 

DH wasn’t home. Didn’t know when he would be. I poured a beer and tucked in. After a third of the pizza, and the beer, my addiction took me to a box of crunchy, salty, garlic crackers. I finished it off. 

The thing I take away from this, the thing I spoke about at OA today, was that I realized after  eating that I’d been seeking comfort. But it hadn’t given me comfort. It was empty with a bit of numbness. 

It’s my hope that next time I’m faced with similar feelings, I’ll remember that food didn’t help.

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